Snowman - December 23rd, 2004.
Amplifier: Perth, Australia. Witnessed by G.
Snow - it's a semi-mythical substance here. Many Western Australians have never seen it.
Apparently there's a two week skiing season on the East Coast, but I don't believe it. When I was young, naive and surfing on the crest exuberent innocence I had the quaint conception of snow as a magical, glittery substance. Christmas would come to our European home and all our problems would swept over with a fine powder. Of course snow is bitterly cold and potentially fatal for the exposed. Perhaps children instead of being shown laughing fatmen in red whipping reindeers, should be shown snowy demons ready to claw you to death with their spindly twig-fingers.
"Shall we do it? Let's Go." There's no entree. No cocktails and loungecore limbering up. Snowman are here to fulfill one grizzly purpose. A crowing psycho-billy guitar crawls over a lumbering Frankenstien bass and lazer tight drumming.
'Gotta get back, gotta get into 'em, stab 'em in the back because they're coming through the ceiling' - a diminutive figure caught in the middle of the horrorshow,
Citawarman's banshee howl oxygenates the room. To his right McKee claps his hands and rolls his hips.
There's no escape; as the closing guitar effects of one song bleed out, the blistering, precisely caliberated percussion begins again. My limbs start to rattle and I can but lament for the lost horror film I never made. The bitter groan of the twin guitars palpate with all the unholy sensation of a dismembered eyeball stroking the flesh. On my way over, I inadvertently slashed my hand on the shards of a broken car window. Right now I don't know whether to dance, fight or re-open my wounds and scrawl "help me" on the walls. 'We've got you by the throat', they cry without mercy. All in all, the Snowman experience is like being trapped in elevator, the cable cut, sparks screaming off the walls, as the carriage plummetts down to a diabolical climax.
Merry Bloody Christmas Everyone.
outpatients / home
subnote: In finding some research / inspiration for this article I stumbled over this effusive article detailing how Frosty The Snowman Is A pro-life right-wing plot. If wind-tossed magic hats acting as quasi-spermatic vessels are your cup of tea than have a gander. Also from the same website, 101 uses for a corpse.
